My Journey

in Poetry 

The samples are some of the most popular poems. Each piece was written at a different juncture in my life. Together, they give a small glimpse of my journey to being awakened to life, myself, my faith and strength. I know how being in a toxic and abusive marriage and/or relationship can be debilitating to the point where you can forget who you are as a woman, what you're capable of, and it can even push you to dark places you've never been to before. These poems are about my dark corners, and how I escaped embracing those corners and found peace and happiness.  

RISEN

From the depths of the mud she came
to this world,
and from the depths of the mud they thought she'd stay.
Surely they'd say
the stickiness of the thick mixture 
of the dirt and water 
would always bring her down....
there's just no way.....
With diseases,
addictions,
family disruption,
demons lurking
in the murky mud of hell......
still she would not let their words
spell out her future,
and from the depths of mud she sculpted herself. 
Fighting through with all she had was just preparing her for the hard climb.
And even when life hit her down 
shed get up every time.
She rose from the depths of the mud to tell every one that

just because you're born in it you don't have to stay living in it. 
The dirt will stain,
the mud will stick,
the climb will leave scars,
and it's good to feel it all,
because it makes you who you are .....
The choice to rise,
the choice to fight,
the choice to cut those chains that tie you down 
is yours and yours alone...
It only takes one minute 
to make the life altering decision.......
that just because you're born in it you're not going to stay living in it.

I AM

I've been a good woman.

I've been a bad woman.

I've been a hurtful woman.

I've been a selfish woman.

I've been a delusional woman.

I've been a gullible woman.

I've been a cheating woman.

I've been a neglected woman.

I've been an abused woman.

I've been a hated woman.

I've been the other woman.

I've been the picture perfect woman.

I've been a sad woman.

I've been a lost woman.

I've been a found woman.

I've been a Christian woman.

I've been a sinning woman.

I've been a partying woman.

I've been the woman turned to mother.

I've been a woman that is a step-mother, loving them like no other.

I've been a woman taken advantaged of.

I've been a woman that took advantage.

I've been a secretive woman filled with mysteries.

I've been a woman that makes a home out of a house.

I've been the woman that's left the home and now it's just a house.

I'm an imperfect woman

reborn through her mistakes,

and now I'm a very wise woman.

SAVE YOU

I'm trying to save you
Save you from you. 
I'm trying to show you 
how your ways are hurting us.
Im trying to warn you
what will happen
if you don't listen. 
Im trying to let you lead our family
but the direction you're carelessly taking us is clear to me now where we'll all be.
You keep pushing me away.
Ignoring my pleas 
to change.
Ignoring my calls to come home.
Telling me all lies.
Leaving me alone
all day to sort through the pain.
If you could just see
that I'm trying to save you.
And it's killing me inside.
I lay at night and cry myself to sleep
with hopes that you'll listen,
but like always,
you casually turn your back to me.
You've left me with no choice,
but to always live like this
or make a plan secretly to leave.
Causing a battle within myself every day.
I hesitate,
debate on whether or not I should stay.
I hate how it's come to this.
Giving you one last chance every time,
knowing how much you're going to miss,
but I've come to see
that I no longer have much more time to waste,
because the consequences are being paid by innocent victims.....
our children,
so now it's my job to save them.
Save them from all the arguing,
from seeing me so unhappy,
from your destructive ways,
from witnessing our toxic relationship
that'll be the reason they base their choice of who they one day fall in love with.
I can't let you take me down this destructive road with you,
this treacherous road that I abhore.
I now know that I can't save you from you anymore.

Secrets of a Single Mom

I just want to hide in a corner and cry,
and sit with my head in my knees
in the darkness
sobbing
for no one to see or hear.
With hopes that one day it'll all disappear,
and this will be a bad dream.
 
I just want to hide in a corner and cry.
Let it all out of me,
scream and plead to God for mercy
and forgiveness,
for answers to all my questions,
and one last chance to correct this mess.
 
I can't hide in that corner and cry.
See,
I have these little eyes watching me.
So, I muster all the strength that I have,
sending away my feelings to that small corner of my mind,
where they can stay and cry without me,
and I go on
like a soldier called to his duties,
and I survive,
and I thrive,
and I'll catch myself smiling and laughing again,

feeling alive,
but for all of my life I know
there will be this hole in my soul
that you can see through my eyes,
where that corner lies,
and all those feeling will still be there
haunting me.

JUST ME

They tell me to get out of my fairy tale world,
not everything is pink and sparkly wrapped in a bow.
They tell me to snap out of my poetry perception of life,
that Romeo & Juliet don't exist,
and it's not real life.
They tell me to stop acting like a queen,
demanding this and that all the time,
and learn to compromise.
They tell me I'm haughty,
a little snobby,
too controlling and bossy,
with an air to my walk.
They say I try too hard to sound smart,
cause I tend to use big words when I talk.
They tell me to stop wearing heels,
to dress casual and relax.
Not every day is dress up.

My response to them is that I'm sorry if you can't see life through the lenses of my eyes,
and understand the beauty and magnificence
waiting to be discovered each day.
That it's real in every way!
If you did,
you'd see that life is poetry,
and is a gift wrapped up in a bow waiting to be opened.
You’d know that Romeo & Juliet type of love does exist,
but you have to be willing to give it in return, sacrifice
and take the time to learn how to keep it alive.
You'd understand that I am a queen,
like every woman is,
and all that I ask for is what I'm willing to give.
You'd understand that it's not the words I use that is the problem,
but the little time you to take to understand them.
You'd see every day is a blessing so why not wear what I love
and look how I feel?

You'd understand that I'm not being controlling or bossy,
but I just know what I believe to be right and true.
Believing in myself doesn't make me arrogant,
but confident,
which is evident,
in the way that I walk and talk,
that you interpret as snobby.


So, the question I have
to the people that want to put me down and
judge every aspect of my character,
is…….
What is really the problem?
Me?

Or something you are fighting inside you?

REFLECTION OF MY HEART

Who is this woman

I've become lately?

I look in the mirror

and I see me,

but I don't recognize the reflection of my heart.

Out of my body,

or out of my mind......

I just don't know.....

but I can't seem to find her

no matter which direction I go.

The strength that I've shown

without shedding a tear,

is being perceived by others as cavalier.

I too don't even recognize this strength,

or how I've managed to go through great lengths

to follow through with my words, 

and not even be disturbed

that it's actually happening.

I'm lost somewhere between what's right and wrong and being justified.

Trying to get used to my new routine in life,

my new reality.......

I'm numb,

numb to everything. 

I know I should be sad.

Why am I not sad?

I know I should be devastated.

Why am I not devastated?

He has the kids for the night, 

and I know I'm supposed to be 

doing something exciting since I'm free,

but as I lie down in my empty bed,

in my quiet home,

all alone,

all I want to do is cry myself to sleep

and try to not think of the million reasons why

I had to leave 

what I spent ten years building. 

I read somewhere that in order 

to be remade,

you have to be completely broken first, 

so I'm relying on my faith

and that saying......

and I'm hoping soon 

that I won't feel so out of touch within

and start to recognize myself again.

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