Who are you behind closed doors when no one is watching, when your phone camera to snapchat and all your social media is turned off? Are you the same person that you show to the world? Are you that smiling face that is so happy and free with no worry in life? Are you really that dedicated parent, wife, husband, partner, friend, health guru, fitness person, whatever it may be that you display? Are you even really happy? Every single person walking this planet craves the acceptance of being understood in some way or another. Many people in today's society will go to great lengths to achieve that, even if it means portraying a lie. I know this, because I used to be that person.
I think at some point or another, we all have, if we are perfectly honest with ourselves.
Three years ago no one would have ever known that I was miserable, overwhelmed, unhappy, confused, lost, depressed and binge drank regularly with my ex husband. I don't even think I knew that I was completely miserable, because every single second of every day seemed to be consumed by holding the seams of everything in my life together. It didn't seem to matter how much I did or sacrificed, nothing seemed to be going right and I always felt like I would take one step forward and four steps back in every single aspect of my life. No one would have known though, behind all the pictures on social media, the smiling faces in front of "friends", the vacations, and regular date nights that we had. Everything appeared alright, and because people perceived me and my marriage this way, I too, came to accept it as such even though I knew behind closed doors, beneath everything, it wasn't.
This blog post isn't about bashing my ex-husband or ranting about how bad my marriage was, but it's about staying true to yourself. It's a process that I am still learning even now. Being honest with yourself is quite frankly one of the hardest things to do but is so necessary to live an authentic life. It requires you looking inside your soul, stripping away your excuses, and long lists of justifications and see you for you, for what it is, and face your demons head-on. It's about what that little voice whispers inside of you throughout the day telling you what is right and what you should do that would require no excuse or justification, and really being aware if you listen to it or not. That is the reflection of your soul.
I truly believe that it is never too late to rectify any parts of ourselves that we do not like. The parts that we hide behind closed doors. The parts that we are ashamed of, and cover up so no one will know, see or judge. Those are the parts that destroy us from the inside out, and ultimately steal our peace and happiness.
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